For many years and many lonely nights, I often thought my life was over... Yes, I woke up everyday but my life was at a halt and slowly but surely deteriorating from the grips of my hands, BUT no one would've ever known I felt that way unless they knew me on an intimate level.
I tried and I tried to close my eyes and wish it were over... several times I tried and I tried to make it over on my own! So, that my eyes would never have to face the hurt and pain that this... my life had dealt me! This last time, I landed a 4 day vacation away from the world in a psych ward having attempted to take my own life at the power of my own hands; oh to the worst days of my life and then my eyes were OPEN to see that eyes wide shut isnt what I really wanted. Deep down inside, I didn't really want to go but deep down outside... I wanted out as my flesh couldn't take this pain anymore!
"I'd been hurt too much to have to continue to bare hurt any longer," I told the man that stood behind white hair and glasses. "Life is just too overwhelming, my mother and father aren't around and my family... they say they're there and they are... they're just there!" By this time, he'd thought I was crazy for real. I then realized, "wait, I just dug a whole for myself, this man probably really thinks I'm crazy." And so... he looks at me and as I'm quick to hear... he'd offered me meds that would help take the pain and bad thoughts away and I rejected. I'd seen too many crazy people movies and they didn't end too well. But I wanted my life to be over right?! WRONG!
Now, I was stuck because I'd been so hurt that I'd convinced this man, the doctor, that I really needed help! I needed help but no help that any doctor or nurse could prescribe.
All the whilst, I thought I was going home the second day in... I was wrong! I now started to panic that I would never get out. I went from smelling fresh air to being hospitalized with people that really needed help medicinal help in a matter of minutes; from old to young... I just didnt fit in here.
As I sat and listened to one girl's mother scream and fight with the nurses, "What have you done to my daughter? This is NOT my child! She always talks to me and why is she walking so slow! This is NOT the daughter I know! She won't even talk to me!" The man that stood behind the white hair and glasses had done this to her... I know he did and then it hit me!
"I'm not supposed to be here! I have to get me out of here before I'm stuck here forever!" Then, I... woke... up! My eyes were no longer blind by the power of darkness! I started to pray in the Spirit because I didn't know how I would get out of there! Two days later, after praying and worshipping in my room... I was released. Oh what the power of prayer and faith can do.
All of this to show me that God was there ALL along and before I even landed this vacation... I'd forgotten who He was in my life! All at the mental and emotional pain of a woman... I let her control my life and where I was headed... ALL because my heart had been broken, once and again and I allowed the devil to make me feel worthless and without cause.
May 26th, 2012: I declared that my past is over and that I wanted to be delivered from the life threatening hands of ol' Sir Lucifer and of course with some challenges along the way.... I can now say that I AM DELIVERED! God saved and spared my life! To know that I could still be on this vacation strung out on meds that would soon take over my life... she wasnt worth it! No longer will I be bound by my emotions triggered by any man or woman but I will stand and bat for my sisters and brothers that are lost in this "lifestyle." You too can be delivered! Yes! You can be delivered!
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